My 2023 Birthday Remark
The below texts are translated from Chinese. The original was written under the format of proses.
What’s the best way to recall the past? For me, it’s looking through my daily posts on social media in the past year.
As it was such a long time ago, I barely remember anything, say, half a year ago, when looking back, it has a magical feeling.
I fantasised many times, what would happen if I were to encounter another ‘me’? Looking back my posts, while forgetting what happened in the past, gives the feeling that one is watching another oneself in the world. Truly, magical.
What I did see - of course here comes the warning of extreme bias - was a very interesting me. I am truly surprised for the amount of fantasies I had in life, or the many photos I posted out there, or the many of my scattered thoughts.
Of course, the situation changed after October, last year, when the new term started. Learning new knowledge, doing group assignments and dealing with group businesses while fixing discrepancies within the groups, waking up at midnight to improve my presentations - all of these now seems quite extraordinary, but I did did all of those. More importantly, those things that I’ve accomplished, are actually my own requirement for my toughness.
I was, really, really, tough.
The toughness eventually penetrated through the outer shell of fragility. Taken the department’s suggestion under advisement, with the full but unexpected support from my family, I intercalated.
Another prominent matter happened in the past year was, I lost a family member whose loved me very much.
There is no speech to measure the significance of the loss. It was like, one man, disappearing in life. Not a sound, without a trace.
There is also no words to describe my thoughts. Often, I zoom out at outdoors, thinking if grandpa was still here, what would he be doing? Would he appear here?
I finally understand, after I died, if anyone, how would they miss me.
It would be rainwater infiltrating soils, icy but gentle.
I am still incredibly alone, where lonely would be an understatement.
I briefly worked. I watched many drama in English.
Eventually I found it too troublesome to look for Chinese subtitles, I just watched with the English subs, nevertheless managed to understand.
My life is still empty and boring.
Of course, anxiety and pressure still closely follows, only that I don’t like to speak out, not as I used to like.
And, actually, they were a lot better.
I found myself to be an interesting one. I found that from a stranger point of view, I really liked myself.
But from a familiar perspective, liking myself would be really hard for me.
Today being the birthday-day, counts as an ordinary one. I visited the Canton Tower. Of course, paying 100 CNY for ticket plus the need to line up very long are not my style. So I walked around it, set foot in the Asian Games Park, and sat down and be rested for a long time.
The photos I took was imported to the computer, filtrated with the colour of azure.
Another set of, photography that I liked.
Another year of, my birthday.
I saw a line I had in between my posts:
“I imagined one day leaving this world, but hiding some miracles that no one knows at heart, how wouldn’t that be a way of which I belittle this world.”
Today, the Shanghai Pudong Development Bank, Bosera Asset Management Co., ICBC Credit Suisse Asset Management Co., the Bank of Communications Schroder Fund Management Co., Jiangxi Yumin Bank and the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China wished me a happy birthday. Thanks for these conscientious businesses, although I may not be buying their stocks.
And, the only human friend. My best friend.
She said, ‘Happy Birthday :))’
Twenty, and one.
I am still holding some unreal, dream-like hopes.
Pacing, continuing my journey in this earthly world.
Below are a portion of my photo shoot conducted in remark of my birthday, around the Canton Tower, Asian Games Park and Huacheng Avenue in Guangzhou, China.